The Three Dads World Cup Wonderland

Rising to stevey's challenge here are my quarter final tips. My money has also been placed where my mouth is, so I could be a bit poorer by Saturday night. Holland v Brazil: I predict and upset, Holland to go through thanks to Sneijder's magnificence. Uruguay v Ghana: I think Ghana look Strong. Athletic. Talented. Hungry. That's enough buzzwords to guarantee a win. Spain v Paraguay: nearest thing that there could ever be to a "by" to the next round. Spain. So easy that even Torres might score. Germany v Argentina: Shock horror, this will see all four South American teams crashing out. Germany, with Deutsche Bundesbahn style efficiency will make England fans feel that little bit better by defeating Argentina.

Ok, so the quarter finals look like this: Uruguay v Ghana: A romantic start to the quarters, Ghana sneaking through to a semi-final appearance... although it won't be pretty... 0-0 and through on pens Brazil v Holland: Everyone is expecting a great game here, but this game is probably the best two defences in the tournament, so I think it will be tight. Provided they keep Robben under wraps, I'm going for Brazil 1-0 (Fabiano of course). Spain v Paraguay: The breakout game for Spain. An early goal ruining the Paraguayan game plan, and in their joy at merely being in a quarter final, they ship two further goals. 3-0 to Spain. Germany v Argentina: Ok, everyone's looking at the Brazil game - but this is the goal fest. Call me psychic, but for some reason I think Mascherano will do a better job than Barry did containing the attacking German midfielders. But he can't do it on his own, and not with a dodgy defence behind him. I'm going 2-2, Argentina to win 3-2 in Extra...

No player has lost possession or mis-controlled the ball more times in the tournament than Wayne Rooney...

Holy crap. There's no football to watch today...... Thankfully, due to the disgrace of Sunday's performance, I have cocooned myself into the foetal position for the last couple of days, only slowly coming out of my shell by sterling performances from mostly South American teams and also the Spaniards last night. So I have some catching up to do again... Birchy, you have done the character assassination fairly well there, a career in the British press awaits, although you need to work on your ability to exaggerate the players' abilities and build them up immensely before any tournament also - just makes the fall all the more spectacular.. (and sells papers). I don't feel the need to build too much on top of that... I would stick up for Stevie G laa a little bit. He's clearly played out of position and he did seem to try.. No, shambolic defending, an inability to retain possession for longer than 2.6 seconds and our "star" player lacking in any kind of form...

Last night David Pleat surprised me. now that sounds a bit wrong, but it is true. Normally renowned for kerbside antics and mispronounciation on his commentary, he actually wowed me with the best summing up of a team performance that I've heard all tournament. In describing Brazil's initially workmanlike and then flair-ridden demolition of Chile he described the performance as "like drinking a pint of beer and then a bottle of champagne". Lovely. Brazil march through and look strong. Holland do likewise, settting up a mouthwatering quarter final. The excitement of today is focussed mainly on Portugal vs Spain, where generous bookies are offering 29/1 against Ronaldo getting sent off. My 50p investment now means that I will not only get the general satisfaction of seeing cheats brought to justice, but I will also net £15 if it happens.

And so England's torrid battle with the 2010 World Cup has finally had the 'Dignitas' treatment and been put firmly to sleep. Although I thought we might raise our game and win the match, I am left feeling unsurprised by the outcome - there were just too many shortcomings in our team. I think this calls for a player-by-player rundown to get to the bottom of things: 1) James: played superbly after coming in for Rob Green. Excellent handling, good communication. Slightly at fault for Germany's second goal, but he was left woefully exposed. 2) Johnson: reasonable going forward, but a defensive liability. He is sadly going the same way as Jay-Lloyd Samuel, formerly of Villa, becoming ever more relaxed on the pitch to the point he plays at a Blanco-esque snails pace. He has the positional sense of Chernobyl village. 3) Ashley Cole: if I hear his name in the same sentence as Maicon again as 'one of the world's best full-backs' I think I will throw my t...